


Together Never Felt So Lonely

by IvyCpher



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gay Remus Lupin, Harry Potter was Raised by Remus Lupin and Sirius Black, Hurt, M/M, Sad Sirius Black, Sirius Black and Remus Lupin Raise Harry Potter, Young Sirius Black
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-01-23
Packaged: 2019-10-14 20:27:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17515367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvyCpher/pseuds/IvyCpher
Summary: Sirius jumped off his motorbike before it even landed, he heard Remus’ shouts as the bike hit the ground loudly. He ran to to a small house, it's door was blown off its hinges and all the windows were broken. Laying inside the house was his best friend James, dead on the floor with his wand in his hands.His eyes stung with tears as he shook his head and moved around his friend and quickly up the stairs. Behind him Sirius heard Remus calling his name and following him, but his mind didn't process it. He couldn't process anything.Not even an hour ago they were sitting at home when the owl came. The owl that brought the news that Lily and James had been killed by you-know-who. But nowhere in that letter did it say of little Harry- their son who was only one year old.





	Together Never Felt So Lonely

Sirius jumped off his motorbike before it even landed, he heard Remus’ shouts as the bike hit the ground loudly. He ran to to a small house, it's door was blown off its hinges and all the windows were broken. Laying inside the house was his best friend James, dead on the floor with his wand in his hands.

His eyes stung with tears as he shook his head and moved around his friend and quickly up the stairs. Behind him Sirius heard Remus calling his name and following him, but his mind didn't process it. He couldn't process anything.

Not even an hour ago they were sitting at home when the owl came. The owl that brought the news that Lily and James had been killed by  _ you-know-who _ . But nowhere in that letter did it say of little Harry- their son who was only one year old.

Sirius nearly slipped as he ran around the corner to Harry's room, his breath caught in his throat when he saw what was inside. Lily was on the floor, dead and clutching Harry tightly to her chest. He couldn't move from the doorway, Remus rushed past him and grabbed Harry from her arms.

“He's alive, Sirius, he's alive.” Remus said but Sirius didn't hear him. He was focused on the scar on Harry's forehead, it was like lightning had struck him and tried to break open his skull. His hands were shaking and he was breathing fast.

“I'm going to kill him, I'm going to kill that rat Wormtail.” Sirius turned heel to leave but Lupin grabbed him by the back of the shirt.

“You just can't go out there and kill him!” Remus angrily whispered, holding Harry, who was starting to cry, close to his chest.

“And fucking why can't I?” Sirius hissed as he looked at Remus from over his shoulder. “ _ He  _ was the secret keeper! There was no one else who could've sold Lily and James out to him, Remus!”

“Because you and I were the only ones that knew of you giving the position to Peter! Even Dumbledore thinks you were still the secret keeper! If you go and kill him now everyone will think you gave up Lily and James’ whereabouts!”

Sirius froze, he took in a large breath and closed his eyes tightly. He didn't say anything for a moment, the only noise was Harry's crying. “Fine- but I don't care what Dumbledore says, I'm not letting him ship Harry off to live with a couple of muggles that hate wizards.”

“I knew you would say that,” Remus tried soothing Harry quietly to no avail. He kept calling for his mummy. “Dumbledore will just have to settle with us keeping him then.” He said softly, closing his eyes, two tears slid down his cheeks.

It felt as though someone had stabbed Sirius when he heard Harry's calls for his mum, for Lily. “Let me take him,” he said quietly, holding out his hands.

Remus nodded and gently handed Harry to Sirius who held him closely. “It's okay, it's okay.” He whispered in Harry's ear, rocking back and forth slowly. “Uncle Moony and Uncle Padfoot are here now.”

Harry's crying quieted some, he grabbed ahold of Sirius’ shirt and looked up at him with eyes that looked so much like Lily's. “Mum! Mum!” With his other small hand he reached out at his mother on the floor.

Sirius gently put Harry's head to his chest and looked at Remus, “Let's go.”

Remus nodded and walked out of the nursery first, Sirius followed behind holding Harry tightly as though he might lose him. He kept Harry's head to his chest when they passed over James body. They walked outside through the cool night air to Sirius’ motorbike.

Remus was just swinging his leg over the bike to get on when there was a loud pop that caused the both of them to hurriedly pull out their wands and point it at the noise.

In the dark they saw the great outline of Hagrid who was holding a dustbin lid. He jumped back, making the ground rumble when he saw their wands pointed at him. “It's just me!” He whispered loudly, throwing up his large hands and dropping the dustpan lid with a clatter. “I've came ter collect ‘Arry, Dumbledore’s orders.” 

“You aren't taking him, Hagrid.” Sirius said sternly. Remus hurried back over to him and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. “We aren't sending him off to live with people who will never understand him.”

“Dumbledore’s just tryin’ to do what's best for ‘m!”

“Well  _ I'm _ his godfather so I think Dumbledore has no say in the matter.” Sirius said.

“Hagrid please, we know that Dumbledore wants to send Harry to live with his aunt and uncle, but we're his real family. We're all that he has left.” Although Remus’ voice was quiet it was stern and.

Hagrid just stared at them for a moment before giving a soft nod. “I s’ppose you do have a point, I wo’ take ‘m. But I'm not explainin’ all this to Dumbledore, that's yer jobs.”

Neither Remus nor Sirius said anything in return, Remus gave a stiff nod and the both turned back to the motorbike. Sirius carefully sat in the sidecar and looked down at Harry who was being oddly quiet. He smoothed the top of his head and sighed deeply as Remus got onto the bike and started it up.

The ride home felt long. Longer than the ride to Godric's Hollow had felt. Sirius couldn't stay focused his mind kept branching off as he thought of nothing. Once he broke through his empty mind to see that Harry had fallen asleep in his lap.

Sirius didn't remember arriving home. He didn't remember going inside. He didn't remember them tucking Harry into their bed. And he didn't remember breaking down until his long hair was sticking to his crying face and Remus was holding on to him tighter than ever.

“They're gone,” Sirius choked out as he struggled for breath. “They're gone and it's all my fault! I traded the position to Wormtail last minute I-”

“N-Now listen here, Sirius, you didn't kill them.” Remus’ eyes were glossy and his cheeks wet with tears and his voice was shaky but it was also strong. “You didn't- none of us knew that Peter had switched sides.”

Sirius just shook his head. “But if I hadn't of given the position to him then-”

“You only gave the position to Peter because you thought that no one would ever suspect it.” Remus but in, he swept some of the hair out of Sirius' face and behind his ear with the back of his hand. “You did that to try and keep Lily and James safe.”

“But look where it got us! Look where it got  _ them!”  _ Sirius yelled, pushing Remus off of him.

In the next room over, Harry started to cry. Remus just looked at Sirius for a moment then sighed before heading off to the bedroom.

Sirius sat on the couch looking at the spot where Remus was just sitting. No matter what he said, Sirius knew the truth.  _ He  _ had killed Lily and James and nothing could change his mind.

He just sat on the sofa, staring off into space for Merlin knows how long when a pygmy owl came flying out of the fireplace and landed in front of him. Sirius had to look at the owl a second before his mind snapped back into reality, he removed a small scroll from it's leg and opened it. He recognized Dumbledore’s crazy loopy script and started to read.

 

_ I received word from Hagrid that you and Remus are intending on keeping Harry. As I cannot force you to do anything else since you are his godfather, I still advise you to change your mind to let him live with his Aunt and Uncle. _

_ I also got Remus’ owl of Peter Pettigrew, the aurors have already captured him and taken him to Azkaban to await trial on November 1st. It is expected that you, Sirius and Remus will be present at the trial to testify against Peter. _

_ This time is hard for us all, but it will be exceptionally hard for young Harry, I urge you again to rethink your decision of raising him. If you change your mind, send an owl to me as quickly as you can. _

__ \- Dumbledore _ _

 

Sirius grimaced at the letter and crumpled it up. He tossed it to the end of the couch and stood up. Through a window he could see the dark sky growing lighter outside. So much time had passed in what felt like mere minutes.

Sirius ran his fingers through his hair and slowly walked to the bedroom where he found Remus curled around Harry. He stared at them for a moment then removed his shoes and crawled into bed on the other side of Harry. Sirius carefully draped his arm over Harry and Remus. Neither of them stirred.

Never would Sirius let anyone take Harry away from them, not even Dumbledore. He had made a promise to James to protect him if anything had happened to him, and Sirius would be damned if he were to break that promise. He had already caused James to die, so the only way to even remotely redeem himself would be to raise Harry the way he should've, would've been raised if Sirius just stayed secret keeper.

With all of the goddamn love in the world.

**Author's Note:**

> I finished re-reading Order of the Phoenix the other day and I forgot how sad it made me. This is what happens when I get sad, cope fics.


End file.
